Today

On my way to the car from class. (2-5-09)

I call it "beautiful rainy day captured with a camera phone"

5 more days until my fathers birthday...

Bliss

Love that never ends.
You see nothing but stars and a big yellow moon.
No one dares to look at you.
Big smiles fade,
and you feel tiny little kisses
when the cold wind touches your face.

Heart warming letters
tell you how much their lives have changed.
Tell you they miss you,
and they wish that you had stayed.

Love that sinks into the deepest pool of life.
You have a song stuck in your head,
and you have a stomach ache.
Not sure if its melancholy,
or just something you ate.

Love that can never be,
will sometimes be.
Even if its just for a split second.

Love that never ends,
roads that never meet...

sky and sea.

Two Hour Love

It's like a pleasure
A selfish measurement of love.
A different kind of love.
One you can't help but have.

And you never try to understand it
because you don't expect to
have or hold this love again.

In two days,
two weeks,
two months,
two hours,
this love will leave you...
and you wont care.

A lonely heart can only love this way.

He will be searching soon,
for another girl to hold,
and you wont care,

because he is not the one you love.

It's the type of love you have,
for the sake of having someone there.

Until I am speechless

I want to write all night,
I don't want to sleep,
not at all.

I just want to write until my mind
goes completely blank.
Until I am sick to my stomach...
Until my hand and arm give out.

I want to throw all thoughts and memories
on paper.
I want to escape this world.
...this long and lonely night.

I want to feel free.

I want to write her a love song.
One she will never forget...
I want to write everyone in my life a letter,
exposing my true self to them.
Tell them that if I am okay with who I am,
they should be okay with it too.

I am going to explain everything tonight.

Let me write it all tonight...
Until the ink on this pen
slowly fade away...

Until I feel...... free.

Lost and Delirious

I took off yesterday...

[I never thought Id find her again.]

Drove away...
Came to a place where I was greeted by a beautiful girl...
a beautiful girl that I had seen before...
somewhere...long ago.
I tried my hardest to remember who she was,
but I failed to remember.

She took my hand and took me to the river...
she showed me all these beautiful gardens,
and walked with me for hours...
and I never said a word.

She smiled all through the evening.
Then the sky grew dark,
and it was time to head home.

[I knew I had seen this smile before.
I knew her... Who was she? and why couldn't I remember her?]

Right when we entered her home,
She sat me on the couch,
put her legs around my waist...
And kissed me.
She kissed my hands...
and kissed my cheek.

She kissed my cheek so many times before she kissed my lips...
and when she kissed my lips I shivered.
The touch of her hand on my skin sent shivers all through my body.
She kissed me and I kissed her back...

and I remembered.

I had kissed these lips before.
I had felt this way before...

It was her...

I had found her after all these years.
I had finally found her,
and my heart filled with excitement.

I wanted to cry
I wanted to scream
I wanted to speak.

But I could not cry... and I could not scream... and I could not speak.

Suddenly... I no longer knew where I was...
I could barely see her.
I saw her lips moving,
but could not hear her words.

I was slowly losing her...

I could hear someone knocking
and banging at the door...
but it was not her.

The room became blurry...
and slowly faded to white.

She was gone...

and I never said a word.
I never told her I'd meet her again...
I never told her that I never stopped loving her
and that I'd come back as soon as I remembered where she was.

I woke up...

I woke up
to the noise of someone knocking...
someone banging at my door.